Her Mistakes

I’m in the process of learning how to be a support system while at the same time protecting myself from getting hurt. It’s kind of crazy trying to balance being there when they need you and falling back when they don’t. You get so used to being there that when they no longer call or text you start to take it personally or even worse, feel used. You start to question everything they ever said and everything you ever did. You start to feel stupid for putting yourself out there and not getting the same in return, while at the same time happy that you were there when they needed you. It’s crazy, because for every negative feeling you’re feeling on your end; you see positive changes on theirs. For every tear of sadness you cry for yourself, you shed tears of happiness that they’re no longer hurting like they were. You find yourself praying for them more than you pray for yourself, when in a sense you need prayer just as bad as they do. You start to feel like your hands are tied because you stepped into the situation with your eyes wide open, never expecting to do anything but help, then you end up being the one that needs the help. Sometimes you have to open yourself so far up to help them that it’s impossible to keep your feelings out of the equation. You start to spend so much time with them that you can’t help but care even more. You don’t want to say anything because they’re the ones hurting, you are supposed to be the support system, and you were never supposed to let yourself get to this point. Yet you have, and at times it feels as they have too…so now what? Do you ignore your feelings and continue to be their shoulder to cry on? Do you pull away so that you don’t get hurt, possibly causing them more pain? You don’t want to appear selfish by thinking of yourself when you told them you had their back, yet at the same time you don’t want to cheat yourself. You don’t want to feel like you’re paying for her mistakes but at the same time you know they come with baggage. Is that a risk you’re really willing to take? I don’t mean to sound redundant but this is crazy. Never in a million years did you ever think…

2 thoughts on “Her Mistakes

  1. Hold out… Because you are growing through your efforts to help them and it’s obvious. Helping that person will allow you to learn more about yourself and what you can endure; and in the end, you will be so happy that you did. Yes it hurts a little, but helping out your friend is proof that you can withstand pain to help someone else out. And that selflessness will pay off in a major way. **Pain is what you feel when weakness leaves your body.** This pain is making you a stronger person. If they don’t already, your friend will soon recognize what they may have put you through and appreciate that.
    Who knows… this pain may be the last bit you will ever experience (in this way)and if that’s the case, it’s so worth it to go through it now….

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