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growing, GrOwInG, GROWN!

I was conversing with a friend and they asked me a simple question, “Do you hide behind dancing?” Initially I denied it, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I really don’t face my problems. I find a song that expresses what I’m going through and I just dance.  With that being said…I know it’s been a while since I’ve made any posts… I forced myself to take a break from both writing and dancing. I just wanted to see what my life would be like without my safety blankets. What things would be like without hiding behind the pen or the dance studio. It wasn’t the easiest thing to do, but I’m happy to say I made it a full month without doing either.

So much has happened in the last month… I’m now 25 years old…a quarter of a century….My licenses no longer say under 21 (I know I’ve been over 21 for a while, but my license didn’t expire until this year so I just kept my under 21 licenses) I feel like I’m officially GROWN 🙂

I’m aware that age alone doesn’t make you “grown” but I feel like 25 is the age when life really begins.  I’m soooooo looking forward to the next 25 years of life. I made a lot of mistakes that I’m happy to say I’ve learned from. I’m sure I’m going to make lots more, but that’s the beauty of this thing called life…You Live and You Learn. I feel like I’ve done a lot of both, but now the living really begins. I spent my first 25 years knocking down doors, and planting seeds and the next 25 is when I’ll actually get to walk through those doors and reap the harvest. So often, I hear my peers saying “Imma do me”, well I’m proud to say that I AM doing me! No more putting off things or being afraid to go after what I want for fear of rejection or failure. No more waiting on my parents or mentors to give me the thumbs up. Yes, I still welcome their advice and guidance but for the first time ever, I’m giving myself the green light and not apologizing for doing so.

It’s so funny to hear people judge me now for being “spoiled” or to hear them call me a “Trust fund baby”. It’s amazing to me how people that I reached out to when I was at my lowest point now judge me for not being what they thought I was going to be. It used to bother me, but now I realize it’s just guilt. They’re mad I made it without them. They’re mad I broke the cycle and didn’t end up going down the wrong path. I think they turned their back on me because they didn’t think I would live to get back up.  They tried to write my ending, but they failed to consider what my God could do. God has brought me through so much. I look back over my life and I can’t help but feel gratitude. I actually made it through. I’m still here! In spite of everything…I’m really still here. That’s amazing to me! I know that may sound strange but I’ve had to overcome some major obstacles. I’ve dealt with the death of my grandmother, my father being away at war, my mother being on drugs, being homeless, my family turning their backs on me, friends walking out, boyfriends cheating, so called friends spreading rumors, even family members spreading rumors, friends dying, being called a whore when I was in fact a virgin and so much more…but I’m fortunate to say, I don’t look like what I’ve been through; and more importantly I’M STILL HERE!

If you thought I accomplished some things in my first 25 years, you ain’t (yes ain’t) seen nothing yet. Just watch. The best is definitely yet to come. To the people that have been there from the start; thanks for having my back, and for even carrying me at times. I’m finally  on my feet, now it’s time for you to kicks up yours. Sit back, relax, I got you…each and every one of you.  You definitely pulled me through. I won’t even address the ones that counted me out…I think the fact that I’m still here, against all odds, is a big enough slap in the face. 🙂

 *In my Pharrell Voice* The motivation for me, was them telling me what I could not be…OH WELL!

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