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Get Me Out This Claustrophobic Box

I know this is going to sound crazy, but it’s so hard being the “good girl”…The one people put up on a pedestal. I mean I feel like I can’t even make a mistake without it getting blown out of proportion. I can’t begin to tell you how many parents have come up to me and said “please don’t mess up; she really looks up to you.” Or “thank you for showing my daughter it’s ok to have standards.” You can’t begin to understand the amount of pressure that adds to my already crazy life. I understand that to whom much is given, much is required. And I also understand that once you’re put in a leadership position people are going to look up to you whether you want them to or not. I’m not complaining at all. I count it a privilege that young girls see me and say “if she did it so can I.” I love being the example.

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Beyond Disgusted

Last year I found out that a high school friend had gotten her tubes tied and she hadn’t had any children. When I asked her about this she stated that she didn’t want to risk bringing a child into this crazy world; so when she reached an age where the doctors would perform the procedure, she went for it. I looked at her and her mother like they were crazy. What woman doesn’t want children…ever? I mean I for one don’t want any right now, but once I’m married I would love to have children. Anyhoo, every time I saw her after the procedure I felt like she cheated herself out of something so precious, so wonderful, so life changing….then I come across stories like these and I understand why she made the decision. Granted I wouldn’t go to that extreme because I think children are a gift from God, but for the first time I understood why. I’m beyond disgusted. I’ve been shaking my head the whole time trying to write this. There is so much I want to say but just reading the words on this page is making me sick. I’m done!