I’m not even sure how to start this blog, so I guess I’ll start it like I have every other one…being as honest as I know how to be. After watching Oprah meet her sister for the first time, it took me back to my childhood and meeting my older brother. I had never heard much about him until one Thanksgiving when he showed up at my great aunts house for dinner. I remember my dad introducing us and me thinking “Wow, I have a big brother”. Unfortunately, I never saw or heard much about him after that day. It was weird…as quickly as I gained the older sibling I’d always wanted he vanished…or at least seemed to. I think I was around 11 or 12. I’m now 25 and I wouldn’t know what my older brother looked like if he passed me in the street, and lately that has really been bothering me.
I’ve heard a couple stories as to why he doesn’t come around, but I won’t speak on them. My dad and I have never had the conversation. It’s strange because I feel like I can talk to him about any and everything else, but the thought of having this conversation in particular with him, scares me. It scares me because as I stated earlier, I don’t know all the details. I don’t know if there’s some sort of anger or bitterness. I don’t know anything. All I know is the big brother I always wanted is out there…and I don’t know who he is. As I sat in the family room watching Oprah, I couldn’t help but cry. I couldn’t help but think how it would be to actually sit down with my brother. We don’t have to talk my dad, or anything. I just want to be able to know him. Know who he is. I don’t want to have the “What if” moment every time I see someone that I think is around his age.
After a couple days of going back and forth with myself, I decided against talking to my father and opted for my aunt instead. I know she and my father are the best of friends and if anyone knew how to reach my older brother…she would. So I sent her a text message, just asking for his last name. I could tell she was hesitant about providing me the information. She said she wanted to talk to me about it first. My heart immediately dropped. I was afraid she would try to talk me out of it. Thankfully, she didn’t. She just wanted to know if I’d spoken with my dad about it. A couple hours later I received a text message with his full name as well as his last known address. I’m not exactly sure what I’m going to do with it yet. I’m thinking I’ll do a Facebook search and see what comes up. Even if I found someone that could be him, I’m not even sure where I would start. “Hi, my name is Danielle and I think you’re my brother” It’s scary because as I stated earlier I’m not sure about he and my father’s relationship. I don’t know if he would resent me due to the fact that my father and I are close. I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what he would think.
I think I’m going to sleep on this information for a few nights. I have to make sure I’m ready for all that could come with this…both good and bad. Well I’ll keep you guys posted as to what I decide to do and what comes of it. This shall be interesting!!!!
So I slept on it and on February 12, I found him on Facebook and on 26th we met face to face, I’ll write about that experience at a later date!