I got it! It took me much longer than I would have liked for it too, but I finally got it. I’ve always had this thing about control. I don’t know, maybe its a protection mechanism. But I’d been working on relinquishing all control, so I’d slowly began settling in the passengers seat. The driver had/has the full set of keys and I had/have the valet key. Well as you know the valet key has limited abilities. There are certain things that it can’t do and certain functions it can’t operate. Yet, I was okay with having just the valet key because I felt/feel like we were on the same road. Same common destination.
Well in route to this common destination there was a major speed bump. Damage was done. We both got out of the car to inspect the damage. Once the damage appeared to have been repaired… I jumped back in ready to go full throttle. The driver, on the other hand got back in and took the more cautious approach. It feels/felt like we’ve been stuck in first gear, occasionally going into second…but definitely far from the fifth gear I’d grown accustomed too. So in my antsy-ness, in my attempt to get us as far from that speed bump as possible, in my attempts to flee the scene, in my attempts to get those objects out of the mirror…I attempted to drive, neglecting to realize that I still only had/have a valet key.
I started calling more. Texting more. Trying to initiate more. Then would feel let down when the response wasn’t what I’d grown to expect. Here again lies the problem. I now know I shouldn’t expect anything. I’d gotten used to us talking pretty much daily, so when the calls appeared to stop I tried using my key to start them back up…fail! When the text started to become fewer and far in between I tried to use my key to start them back up… Fail! When the calls did come but the conversations didn’t, I again, tried to use my key to start them back up…epic fail. My parents always told me that it was okay to fall as long as you got back up, so I was looking at my falling flat on my face as an indication that I needed to get up and try harder. When in actually it is an indication that I don’t need to try to drive.
So back into the passengers seat I go. Again turning over our journey to the driver with the full set of keys. Whether I’m the designated passenger or not. Whether we keep going in first or second or whether we get back in fifth. Whether we end up broken down on the side of the road or whether we manage to make it safely to a parking space. Whether the scenery is beautiful or whether it scares me. Whether we crash head on or whether we avoid any other objects in the road. I’m just going along for the ride. My key doesn’t have the power that the drivers does so I’ve hung mine up. I realized that I’d gotten too comfortable. I’d taken my seat belt off and forgotten what this was supposed to be. This journey is supposed to be a “fantasy” so to speak. You know, real people, sharing real moments but without the real issues. I’m a first (and last) timer, but I got it now. So, I’ve decided to put my seat belt back on, chill on the passengers side and let the driver, who has the experience, lead this journey. After-all…Just because I’ve moved the speed bump to my blind spot doesn’t mean it’s completely out of sight for the driver. As I try to settle back into my passengers seat, I look to my right only see a sign that reads “objects in mirror are closer than they appear”