“It’s cancer” I don’t remember what came before it and I couldn’t force myself to continue reading to find out what came next. My eyes were frozen on those two words “It’s cancer”. I felt paralyzed, I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t respond, I couldn’t do anything but continue re-reading those two words “It’s cancer”. When I finally grasped what I was reading I literally yelled “No” and collapsed onto the chair. I closed the message and opened it back up, hoping this time it would have included the word “not”. “It’s cancer” was still on the screen. I closed the message again praying that when I opened it this time it included a correction text saying something like “omg girl I was so excited to share the good news that I was typing too fast.” “It’s cancer” was still there. However this time I allowed myself to read the words that followed “No tears! I’ll be okay”. It was too late for the “no tears” part as they were currently falling down my cheeks, but I knew in my heart that she would (and will) be okay.
If I’m honest, I was confused and angry. Cancer robbed me of my grandmother January 12, 1999 and just the thought of it possibly stealing someone else from me was heartbreaking. With my grandmother I was able to make sense of it by convincing myself that she was older and older people die. Dumb, I know, but that was the only way I was able to comprehend and try to move on from it. However, she’s not even 30. I couldn’t understand how this could happen to someone MY age. I couldn’t comprehend why cancer would choose MY friend. MY sister. It didn’t seem fair and I was infuriated. I couldn’t understand why she had to go through this yet again. She had just dealt with this with her mother a few years ago and now she’s forced to relive the diagnosis. It wasn’t fair. How could it be cancer? I wanted to cry for her. I wanted to feel sorry for her. I wanted to wish it away. I wanted to question God. What was going through her mind? Was she really as calm as she appeared to be? How could I help? Did I say the right things? Ugh a million and one thoughts…I just wanted to understand!!!
Even after a couple days of trying to process the news, I still find myself with more questions than answers, but I also have more faith than doubt. I have faith the MY friend may lose her hair but she won’t lose her life. I have faith that MY friend may have to say “bye” to her breast but we won’t have to say bye to her. I have faith that MY friend will follow in her mothers footsteps and she too will be declared a survivor. There’s no doubt in MY mind that just as MY friend, MY sister, has beat every other trial she’s been faced with; she will beat cancer and there will be no metastasis and there definitely won’t be any recurrence. Sorry cancer, stealing some hair and a breast may slow her down but it won’t stop her! Sorry cancer, you lose! She will survive!
Follow her journey of survival