When this song first came out I would listen to it and think, “gosh, this is so sweet. I want a guy to feel this way about me.” I would imagine my life with a man that was infatuated by my presence and literally worshipped the ground I walked on. I was in college when this song came out and my boyfriend and I would play it all the time. I guess it was cute for college, but I heard the song today for the first time in years and I no longer thought it was sweet…it creeped me out. It literally brought tears to my eyes and made my stomach turn.

I will admit, I’m a little paranoid as I’ve been too close to a murder-suicide situation. However, in a world where domestic violence has become more and more prevalent…The thought of someone being jealous of my clothes is daunting. I know it’s just a song, but some guys (and even women) think like this. Some jealousy is good, however, this is past jealousy; it’s possessive and obsessive. I remember having a conversation with a guy and he said “when I’m with a woman, she becomes my life, nothing else matters.” When I asked what about his friends, he boldly stated “what friends, she’s all I need.” While some women may have thought that was sweet. The tone of his voice and the passion in which he said it, was frightening. It literally took everything in me to continue to sit at the table. When I heard this song today, I immediately replayed the events that occurred that day. I replayed the conversation that occurred as we drove back to my house after dinner and how he told me he counted my sneezes. Yes, you’re reading that correctly…he said he counted my sneezes! We had spent the day together and different smells that day (perfumes, colognes, air fresheners, etc.) had triggered my allergies. I sneezed a few times and explained that I had allergies. As the date was ending I sneezed again. I guess that was all he could take. He said very matter-of-factly; “That’s the 8th time you’ve sneezed today, you’re getting sick.” Confused, I explained to him again that I have allergies and the NC pollen coupled with the different smells I’d encountered that day, a sneeze wasn’t uncommon; however I was far from sick. You would have thought that I told him I killed his dog. He went on a tangent about me taking care of myself and him being a protector. He may have thought he was coming from a concerning and comforting place; however, it wasn’t at all comforting…it was scary!

I’m sorry, maybe I’m a little weird, but I don’t want to be anyone’s life. I don’t want anyone to love me more than they love themselves or more importantly more than they love God. I don’t want anyone that wants to spend every waking moment around me. And I definitely don’t want anyone counting my sneezes, like they’re contractions and we’re about to deliver a baby. I just don’t. What happens if your “life” has a busy day and instead of hanging with you, they want to go to sleep? What happens if your “life” wants to hang out with their friends? What happens if your “life” decides to leave? What happens then? Yes, I want to be a huge part in someone’s life. Yes, I want to be madly in love. Yes, I want the whole happily ever after until death do us part shebang. However, I don’t want to be anyone’s entire LIFE. I don’t want anyone to love me to the point that I can’t leave. I don’t want anyone to love me to death. Jealousy is real and what you think is cute initially, can quickly take a turn for the worse. When people show you who they are believe them, and if you ever have to question if they have “it” in them, then chances are they do and you shouldn’t be in it. I’d rather be single and safe, than in a relationship that I’m afraid to leave.

xoxo

Rachelle Danielle

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