Hey big head! I know, I know… It has been a while since I’ve posted. (I feel like my last few posts have started with a similar sentence) I’m not even going to lie, I fell out of love with writing. I don’t know when or even why, but I do know I’d started to dread the thought of having to write a post. I would have multiple ideas in my head and as soon as I went to put them on paper, I stared at the blue lines for so long that I became hypnotized by them. Whether as big as a relationship or as small as a blog post; I’ve learned not to force anything. So, I stepped away until it no longer felt forced. Here we are over a year later… I’m finally ready to write. I’m not sure where this post is going, but I feel like writing so here goes…
Over the last year, I have really been focusing on me. For so long I allowed myself to be trapped in this box of other people’s unrealistic expectations of me. I didn’t want to stray too far from the “Rachelle” they knew. After releasing Gut Feeling, I thought I would be free from the chains of perfection; however, it intensified my need to maintain this squeaky clean image. I went into over drive trying to ensure people I was no longer “that girl.” I found myself over compensating for my past and not living enough for today. I found myself wanting to prove my growth instead of simply allowing my life to speak for me. It hit me like a ton of bricks when I realized I’d spent months try to downplay my success and dulling my shine, in an effort to not be viewed as “doing to much.”
Then COVID19 happened and I was forced to be completely alone for two months. I had to look in the mirror and answer to MYSELF. As crazy as this may sound, the isolation caused by COVID 19 was one of the best things that could have happened for me. It really allowed me to spend time with me. It allowed me to fall back in love with myself. It forced me to acknowledge how far I’ve come. Or better yet, how far God has brought me. It reaffirmed my love for God, not just the church. It confirmed that settling wasn’t an option and my goals were very much within reach. It allowed me to see that even in the moments that I questioned if God was listening, He was right there in the midst. I’m honestly not sure if I would have been as in tuned if COVID hadn’t forced the world to slow down. I would probably be in a dead situation questioning my worth. Instead I entered 2021 happier and more fulfilled than I could have ever imagined.
I’ve never been a fan of new year’s resolutions, but on my 35th birthday I promised myself that I would give myself permission to be great regardless of who it offended. I look forward to sharing more with you this year. Cheers to an amazing 2021