(The day I got Cashew)
I’m writing this blog with tears in my eyes and a heavy heart. As some of you are aware I lost my dog the day before my 24th birthday. Although he was a dog, I hate calling him that, he was more like family. I purchased Cashew a few weeks after I graduated from undergrad. I was afraid of facing the “Real World” alone so I felt like having a four legged friend would make things a little bit easier… and it did. For almost two and half years Cashew was the first face I saw in the mornings and the last face I saw at night. No matter what was going on in my life or how bad my day was, I knew I could count on his wagging tail to greet me at the front door. So I’m sure you can understand just how hard this whole ordeal has been.
(Cashew at 6 months)
I was lying down trying to catch a nap before going out to dinner for my birthday when my sister and her friend ran in the house screaming my name. I was half asleep so it took me a while to respond. Before I could even get “what” out they shouted “Cashew was chasing a boy on a skateboard and got hit by a car!” Now I’m freaking out like “please tell me you’re joking” I go to the front door and I see his lifeless body lying in road. I run out pick him up, blood is everywhere, and I’m yelling at them to get my shoes and my car keys. I’m standing by my car holding him and talking to him for what seemed like 2 hours before they come back out the house. When they finally come out I put him in the passenger seat and speed off. The veterinarian office is only about 2 miles down the street so with the traffic lights I was there in about 5 minutes. I run in, skip everyone in line, and the nurses get a gurney and come outside. I could tell by the look on their faces that it didn’t look to good. They had him in the back for about 3 minutes before one of the nurses comes back out to talk to me. He was telling me that there was nothing they could do for him there and that they were going to try to stabilize him and he would have to get transported to another location. I’m still freaking out; some random lady just comes up and starts trying to console me. Just when I’m starting to calm down the doctor comes out and asks me to step into the room. I knew in my heart it wasn’t good news. She said that the car had to have been traveling pretty fast and that it wasn’t looking good for him. He was in shock and was on oxygen. She went on to say how he had broken legs, broken ribs, and a lot of internal bleeding…at this point, my mom shows up. (She was at a birthday dinner for my Aunt when this happened). A nurse then knocked on the door and the doctor left out the room. When the doctor returned her facial expression said it all…Then she said the words I didn’t want to hear “It doesn’t look good, we may be able to hold on to him for a day or so but he sustained some major injuries, you may want to consider euthanization” I’m freaking out even more, so my mom asks her if it were her dog what would she do. She looked my mom right in the eyes and said “I would go ahead and let him go, he’s in a lot of pain, and I regardless of how much money you spend I don’t think he would make it” I felt like my world shattered. I mean Cashew was like my son.
(Bundled up and ready for a walk)
I don’t want to offend anyone that has lost a child by comparing the death of my dog to loosing a child, but for me he was my child. Granted I didn’t actually give birth to him, but for 2 years he was my baby. Now I’m left with a million and one questions. Why didn’t she have him on his leash? Why didn’t the car stop after it hit him? Why did it have to happen so close to my birthday? On top of the unanswered questions, are the emotions…One minute I’m angry, then I’m sad, followed by confused. I mean I know this is something that you can’t prepare for, but sheessssh my daily routine was centered around Cashew. My alarm would go off, he’d jump on the bed wagging his tail making sure I was up. I’d then get dressed for work, and take him outside for his morning walk. After his walk I’d bring him back in the house and head off to work. Following work, take him outside for his afternoon walk then we’d hang around the house watching TV or go for a ride. I mean I use to plan my day around him. I can’t tell you how many times people have told me I was crazy for the things I’d do for him….When he turned 1 I had a birthday party for him. He had a bag full of clothes, and a house full of toys. I even moved into a two bedroom apartment just so he could have more room. Extreme I know, but that was my baby and there’s nothing I wouldn’t have done for him. These past couple of days have been crazy! I’m slowly trying to get adjusted to life without him, while trying to forgive my little sister. She’s only 12 and I know she feels guilty enough without me adding to it. So I know I have to forgive her, for this is just as hard for her as it is for me…Not to mention the fact that she actually saw him get hit and has to live with that image in her head. I spoke with my Pastor and I realized this could have been a lot worse. She said that my sister could have easily run after him and gotten hit as well. So as bad as this is, it could have been a lot worse, and that brings me some kind of peace.
(Cashew’s Birthday Cake)
( Tired from his party)
I’ll forever cherish the memories Cashew and I shared. He was truly a unique dog. He didn’t like for men to be around me, he would bark at any man that came within 5 feet of me, but would run as soon as they stomped their feet. His bark was definitely bigger than his bite. I have so many stories that I could share, maybe one day I will…but for now I’ll just say that I’m so thankful to have had him with me these last 2 years. He had a great life and not to pat myself on the back or anything, but a great owner. He was loved by all who came into contact with him. My aunt who hates dogs even said that he was a good dog.
Everyone has been asking me if I’m going to get another dog…Too be 100% honest, I really don’t know. This is not something I could deal with again. I mean my I didn’t know you could love something, not human, that much.
Here are a few of my favorite pictures of Cashew
(Bath time…he hated baths)
Cashew 5/3/07- 9/12/09