Far too often I hear ladies talking about this magical man that they’re looking for. I hear them going on and on about how he has to have this or look this way before he even has a shot at having a chance. I have friends that have checklists as long as my arms stating what they want in and from a man. I’m all for having standards and knowing what you want; but at the same time some of the “lists” I’ve seen have been a bit ridiculous. My friend and I had an almost hour-long debate about why she thinks checklists are “necessities”. She feels as though you make grocery lists all the time. You take time writing out your list at home so that you won’t forget anything and so that you can save time and money in the store. There’s no deviating from the list; if it’s not up there, you don’t buy it. Plain and simple. Granted; I understand the concept of having a list but I feel like this…new stuff comes out all the time. If you stick to this etched in stone list that you have you’ll never get to experience anything new. Sure, you may blow a couple of dollars if you don’t like it, but what if you do? I have jotted down a few things before I went grocery shopping just to be sure I didn’t forget, but I’ve never gone so far as to say this is the list and I’m sticking to it. I might be feeling spontaneous that day and feel like I want to try a new dish and because it is not written on my “list” I can’t. That’s a bit extreme…

I think women spend far too much time talking about how we want his eyes to be and how we want him to have a six-pack. We talk about how we want him to walk and what kind of car we want him to drive. How he has to have “swagga” and be able to buy you any and everything you could ever want. We talk about how tall we want him to be and how he has to have big hands and feet. And if for some reason he doesn’t live up to one thing on your checklist he’s automatically scratched off. I remember watching an episode of VH1s “What Chilli Wants”, she was reading off this long list of things he couldn’t do, and things he must have. She went so far as to say that the man could not eat pork. Initially I laughed but then it dawned on me why so many beautiful women are single. They spend too much time focusing on petty things and not enough time on what really matters. I’m not saying that you should settle, because the moment you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than what you settled for. I’m simply saying be open. Try new things. The instant Chilli allowed herself to put aside her checklist we began to see her start to open up and enjoy the men for who they were.

Ladies please don’t get me wrong, having standards is a MUST. But keep in mind, there’s a big difference between having a long checklist of trivial things you what you want and having standards. As a woman there should be some things that you refuse to settle for. My father is the best and he taught my sister and me how a man should treat us. So I’m all for having standards and not settling. I also know that you have to at least be attracted to each other. But please don’t get caught up in the hype of having a set list, and the moment he falls short in one area you automatically dismiss him. I have learned that a person may not have everything you want them to have, but what they do have is better than anything you could have ever imagined. When people ask me what I look for in a man, the answer is easy …he has to be able to at least bring or have the potential to bring what I bring to the table, spiritually, mentally, and physically. It’s that simple

*Note: I wrote this a while ago for a classmates online magazine, I was asked to repost to my blog, so I did* 🙂