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On My Own

I grew up in a technology crazed generation so it would only make sense for a Facebook post to be at the helm. Nevertheless, I can’t believe I’m actually typing this, but as of Sunday, July 12, 2015; I am no longer a member of a church and to be 100% honest, it’s scary. I know the importance of having a church home; a shepherd; a covering…but I also know they have shelters; foster homes and adoption agencies for a reason. While having a stable home is ideal and traditional; it’s not the only way to thrive. Being “on your own” forces you to grow up and learn to stand on your own two feet. So as scary as this season is, it is something I feel like I have to do. For my peace. For my heart. For my growth. 

It almost feels like a divorce. You put your heart into something with all the right intentions. Things are going well and then it happens…you have your first major problem. You shake it off and slowly you take back off again, only this time the cheers aren’t as loud. The people rooting for you seem fewer, but for better or worse right??? So you keep going! Then it happens again…another major problem. This time you immediately notice the swayed jury. You plead your case, and you’re allowed to continue but you know and so does those around you that it’ll never be the same. You start not coming home as much because you feel like why bother? You’re disappointed and confused but for better or worse right??? So you pick back up. You still feel a little hesitant, but for the most part things are going well so you slowly start to come home more. You start enjoying time with the family. You convince yourself that your previous thoughts were just that…thoughts. But then you read the words on the page and immediately your past thoughts are confirmed. And you know that you have no other choice but to save yourself and file the papers.

Those that I’ve confided the in the most probably feel like “it’s a long time coming”. Those that don’t really know me are probably feeling like “it was just one thing” or “it came out of the blue”. The truth of the matter is it’s D…none of the above! It’s…it’s a lot, but I will say I’m at peace! Change is good…i think! I know God has a new church home for me, in the meantime I guess I’m on my own!

Rachelle Danielle 

PS- I’m totally open to guidance and mentoring but please don’t try and change my mind *cue Destiny’s Child* “…When your minds made up and your hearts in the right place”  

 

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2 thoughts on “On My Own

  1. I know you’re hurt and probably disspointed but I doubt you’ve prayed because God would never tell you to leave without telling you where to go. Don’t make rash decisions, and regret it.

    1. I literally laughed out loud when I read your comment. We’re not even going to talk about prayer, but that was the first thing I did and will continue to do. What I want to talk about is the silly notion that God would never tell me to leave w/o telling me where to go. That’s like saying you have to have another job lined up before you walk away from the job you’re on. Although that might be ideal in a perfect world, it doesn’t always happen like that. Sometimes you have to step outside of your comfort zone in order for you to truly see God move on your behalf. If you always know what’s next are you really allowing room for God? Or what about a woman in an abusive relationship…would you really encourage her to wait until another man came along before she found the strength to walk away, or would you tell her to get out and not look back? So you see, the idea of having to have somewhere to go is all cute & everything, but this is the real world and it doesn’t always work that way.

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