The List

This is crazy! Nah actually it’s beyond crazy, but in a good way…I think?!?!? Its funny how we have our life’s planned out. We want to do “this” by the time we’re this age and we want to accomplish “that” before we’re another age. I must admit, when I was about 12 I wrote down everything I wanted to accomplish and the age at which I wanted to accomplish those things. I won’t say I had some unrealistic expectations but I did have some unrealistic time frames. For instance I wanted to graduate from college, get married, and have 3 kids all before the age of 21. Ummm soooo yeah….Let’s just take a moment to Thank God for none of that nonsense not coming to pass. Now can I get an Amen? Granted I did graduate from college when I was 21, and I do still want to get married and have 3 kids. But the thought of me at 21 married with kids creeps me out. At 21I was learning who I was. I was just realizing that it’s okay to take the road less traveled and not apologize for it. I was just beginning to discover my true purpose for being placed on this earth. And to think, at the age of 12, I thought I’d know everything by the time I was 18…SMH the mindset of a 12 year old.

 My father and I were talking on Thanksgiving and I was sharing with him how although I’d accomplished quite a bit, considering the fact that I’m only 24, there were still something’s I thought I’d have by now that I don’t. There were some places that I’d thought I would have gone by now that I haven’t. I proceeded to tell him about how I had made a list of things I’d wanted to accomplish when I was 12 and with the exception of graduating, buying my car, dancing in front of thousands and going to Africa I hadn’t accomplished anything else on the list. We began to talk about the things I’d written on this now 12 year old list. He assured me that in due time, God’s time, things would come together for me and that I would be able to see that I’m actually right on track to accomplish “The List”. When I got in my car to head back home I couldn’t do anything but cry. I just thought about how things weren’t working out in the manner in which I felt like they should. I thought about how I wanted to write a book and I wanted Ms. Oprah to pick it for her book club. But now since she’s leaving next year I wouldn’t have that opportunity, because even if I started it that day I didn’t see how it would be published or how she would even see it. Don’t Laugh! I was an ambitious child. Yes, I was pouting and having a “whoa it’s me” pity party…but we all have those moments…don’t we?!?!?

Anyhoo…for the past year or so I had really been wanting one thing in particular. I won’t say what it was/is, but it meant/means a lot to me. I was starting to feel like maybe that one thing would never happen. Maybe it’s not in God’s plan for me. Just when I was about to say “forget it” and move on to the next dream, I’m starting to feel like it’s possible. I’m starting to feel like it’s really going to happen and soon. I know you’re like, “what is this girl talking about?” I’m talking about a dream. Something that I’ve wanted since I can remember but never thought I could have. Those people that are closest to me will tell you I’m the go to person. Anytime something is wrong or someone needs to vent they come to me. If they only knew that this one thing has brought me to my knees many nights. Just the thought of it finally being a reality is too hard to put into words. I mean have you ever asked for something for so long that when you’re finally on the brink of getting it you begin to freak out? Well that’s exactly where I am today. Too be 100% honest I’m getting teary eyed just thinking about it. Last year this time you couldn’t have told me I’d be where I am today. I would have betted my last against it. Sure I wanted it to happen, just never thought this would be HIS route. I’m still pinching myself to make sure I’m not dreaming. 2009 hasn’t been the easiest year…I think I’ve cried more this year than I did in 1999 (when my grandmother passed away); now that this year is almost over and my dream is almost a reality I’m looking forward to 2010. You should have kicked me when I was down because I’m on my way up and there’s no stopping me now!

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